Krista Brandhagen

"I'm not the one": An Investigation of the Illusory Self Through the Video Essay Form

This thesis begins by contrasting three examples of women’s writing on incestuous sexual abuse against my video essay “_’_ the one” revealing shame as a common theme in this type of literature. A discussion of the selves in my video essay exposes that anticipating how others might view me shapes my sense of self. I consider the following psychological theories with relation to the illusion of self. I postulate on how the act of writing memoir solidifies narrative and whether the creation of narrative forms an erasure of self. I present three case studies of video essay to ascertain that video essay is question-based, attempting to push the boundaries of knowledge on the subject of identity. I conclude by observing that the reiteration process of creating my video essay provided a way for me to examine its contents and subject matter, and cement the narrative.